Avoidant and avoidant

A calm couple with respect for personal space and a risk of drifting apart.

Two avoidant partners rarely fight over a lack of attention. Each values independence, no one demands a report on every step, and both have their own interests and friends. Such a relationship can feel very comfortable: quiet, free, no drama.

The friction here isn't obvious. Problems aren't discussed but put off, because talking about feelings is unpleasant for both. Over time, the couple can turn into two flatmates who get along well but know little about each other's inner life. At a hard moment, it turns out that leaning on each other is difficult – neither is used to asking.

What helps. Deliberately set aside time for conversations not only about practical matters: what makes you happy, what worries you, what you want. You can start small – for example, once a week over dinner, share one thing that affected you. Learn to ask for help, even with small things.

Respect for freedom is this couple's strength. Add a little openness, and the relationship becomes not only calm but truly close.

If one partner is going through a hard time, it helps for the other to ask directly how they can help, rather than waiting to be asked.

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