Anxious and anxious
A couple with plenty of tenderness and a shared fear of losing each other.
Two anxious partners understand each other's need for closeness well. Frequent messages, long talks, the wish to spend a lot of time together – it all comes naturally to both, and no one feels like they're “too much”. At the start, such relationships are often very warm and intense.
Friction arises when anxiety switches on in both at the same time. One is slow to reply, the other gets worried and sends a sharp message, the first gets scared and becomes defensive too. A small episode quickly escalates because there's no one to calm the other down: each is waiting to be calmed themselves.
What helps. Agree on clear rules: for example, give a heads-up if you won't be able to reply for a few hours. Learn to calm yourself on your own – with a walk, a call to a friend, a journal entry – before texting your partner. And talk about the fear directly: “I feel anxious” instead of the reproach “you've disappeared again”.
It's important for each of you to keep a life of your own outside the couple. Then the relationship stops being your only support and becomes calmer.
The good news: two anxious partners know how to appreciate care and give it generously. Add a little calm to that, and the warmth becomes a reliable support.
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